


the heavy weight of living

by Cthulhuer



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Elias Bouchard Being Elias Bouchard, M/M, POV Elias Bouchard, Spoilers for The Magnus Archives Season 5, hes not having a great time, kind of depressed Jonah, no beta we die like Gertrude’s assistants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26325496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cthulhuer/pseuds/Cthulhuer
Summary: Jonah’s finally accomplished his goal. The world is over and he’s still here Watching. Surely, there’s more to all of this? He’s just not satisfied.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	the heavy weight of living

He finally got what he always wanted. The world was full of fear and he was the strongest human in existence. He wasn’t entirely sure what the ruined world would look like, but now that it’s here he can’t imagine it being anything else.

Each Fear has power over their own domain and the humans below are drenched in that fear. It’s filling and comforting to truly See everything, but it’s not enough. 

It’s never really enough. 

Jonah’s been told multiple times in the past few centuries that he’s never satisfied. He Knew it to be true then just as he Knows it now. 

There’s nothing more to be done though. The world is over and he’s served his lifelong purpose. To be truthful, he never expected to accomplish his dream so soon.

Jon was too perfect of an Archivist.

He practically threw himself at every Avatar he ran across. He unknowingly allowed himself to be marked over and over again with little to no effort on Jonah’s part. It was almost too easy.

But now, the world is over and Jonah still wants more. 

Maybe he’s too human, or maybe he’s just lived too long, but existence really does start to lose its appeal after a while. Life becomes monotonous and even as an Avatar for an all-knowing being, he’s still got an empty feeling in his chest. 

All the knowledge in the world literally couldn’t fill it and for the first time in decades, Jonah feels tired. It goes beyond a simple exhaustion and it’s hardly something sleeping can fix.

No, he’s empty inside and he thinks about what he’s had to do to get to this point. When was the last time he had truly felt something?

An image flashes in his mind of birthday cake and bad singing. He Sees the smile on the face he’s wearing and it looks genuine. He’d been excited to get a new Archivist sure, but to have actually been happy at a quickly thrown together party? It seems too mundane for someone like him. For something like him.

Jon is on his way back to London, back to him, with Martin standing at his side. For a moment, he considers meeting them halfway, but immediately dismisses the idea. It would be reckless to leave the safety of the Panopticon. He may not have a reason to really live anymore, but he doesn’t want to die either.

Yes, it’s selfish, but that’s hardly the worst thing about him.

He’s very aware of what everything thinks about him. It’s rather hard not to be when he can literally know everything about every single one of his employees. 

It’s kind of odd to suddenly care about the thoughts of others, or rather, their opinions of him: After everything he’s done it seems laughable that he even still has the ability to care. 

Jon’s always so worried about becoming a monster and Jonah finds himself worried he’s still too human. 

Humanity is such a funny thing. It’s the hardest thing to rid yourself of, even the worst monsters are still human at the end of the day. 

Jonah is still human.

Regardless of how much he’s changed, he’s still so painfully human. 

“It’s really not fair, is it?” An old friend had asked him. At the time he’d simply laughed it off and said something along the lines of “life’s hardly fair.”, but he never really considered anyone else’s problems. He’s always been a rather selfish man with a craving for knowledge and a willingness to do anything for it.

He’s never hesitated to throw anyone under the bus, regardless of who they are. To him, everyone nearby was a stepping stone to achieve his goal. Now he’s reached that goal and there’s no point. Is he supposed to just sit in his tower and be the Watcher forever? Is that his new purpose? Has he ever really had a purpose to begin with? Probably not.

Everyone lives and then they die. It’s a simple cycle and humans and animals alike have been following that pattern for thousands of years. Everyone aside from Jonah it seems. He was greedy and wanted more time. He didn’t want to die back then and he still doesn’t. 

But Jon is on his way and Jonah hardly has to look into his mind to see his intentions. Martin wants him dead, therefore Jon wants him dead too. It’s slightly different than the usual murder attempts he’s experienced, considering Jon might actually be able to kill him. He finds himself feeling genuinely afraid for a second before he pushes the feeling away. There’s no point in being afraid. There’s really no point to anything anymore.

Jonah turns his mind to Martin and feels slightly bitter. He had thought it’d be amusing to have someone completely underqualified on the team. Someone his Archivist would be able to use for whatever reason he saw fit. Gertrude never had any issues with throwing assistants into horrible situations just to see what would happen, but Jon was nothing like his predecessor.

Jon was nothing like anyone Jonah’s met.

He was more than curious about everything the world had to offer, even before Jonah met him and offered him the job. Jon was marked by The Web at such an early age, he had witnessed horrible things when he was barely eight. It had changed him in ways Jonah didn’t even think to Look for.

He wasn’t cared for as a child. Left alone with a grandmother who would much rather pretend he didn’t exist. He spent most of his days reading any book he could get his hands on and even after his first Leitner, Jon didn’t stop reading. If anything, he read more than before. It’s a miracle he hadn’t been marked by The Eye sooner.

Jon had reminded Jonah of himself during his interview. He was cold and solely focused on the pursuit of knowledge. The Eye wanted him for the job and Jonah Knew he made the right decision with every action Jon made. He was playing right into Jonah’s hands and it was beautiful to see his dream coming into fruition with every passing day. 

Jon had been so hard to get close too and he pushed everyone away, much like Jonah had done in his early years. The key difference between them wasn’t something easy to change. Jon had friends who genuinely cared about him.

He had Martin.

At the end of the world, Jon was happy with Martin.

“It’s not fair, is it?” The words in his memories echoed mockingly. Jonah found himself staring at the skull of his dead friend from across the room. It sat there unmoving next to his original body. Such old men who had no idea what they were getting themselves into. 

“No, Barnabas, it’s really not very fair at all, but perhaps it’s not supposed to be. Perhaps neither of us should’ve ever gotten this close to a world we could never hope to appease.”

Jonah extended his mind to Jon. He felt the confusion running rampant in his Archivist’s mind, but he didn’t bother trying to explain himself. He definitely owed him more than just an apology, but Jonah’s not sure what he’s even planning on doing when Jon does arrive. It’s far too late to fix the world, but Jon already knows that. 

Does Jon even have a plan? Or is he just making things up as he goes?

“I’m almost there.” Jon’s thoughts make their way over the shared connection Jonah had created. It’s strangely comforting to not be alone in his own mind anymore.

“I’ll see you soon then, Jon.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this without reviewing ANYTHING 😅😅 so I apologize if it doesn’t really flow well or something. I literally just started writing and didn’t stop. Maybe one day I’ll revisit it?? Idk. I don’t choose when I’m inspired, the urge just drags me to my computer when it’s time.


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